I think her death affected me more than I ever thought
it would. I mean, I didn’t even like some of her films
all that much. Of course I understood the value
of her works, and of her wonderful commercials,
but that isn’t to say I was a fan of all of them.
But
a fan of her, in essence, I guess I must have been.
Something just hemorrhaged within me that
night when I found out she had died, and
I guess I’m still reeling.
As those who have read me since AppearOffline would know,
I have become ten times soppier with every year that
passes. Perhaps it’s those blasted hormones (enough already,
you bitches!), or that my brain’s just degenerating faster
than I thought it would and anytime it’s supposed to
say “this is sad”, apparently it just switches the ON button
for waterworks and then refuses to quit for a while.
Extremely embarrassing when this is triggered by just something,
anything, anywhere… like oh, let’s say, a f*cking petrol station!?
What I can’t yet figure out or articulate is,
why this reaction, and with her?
Why not MJ or Teoh Beng Hock, which left me very much
in grief as well?
I went to Penang and had a wee bit of escapism with my
girl Kat. And then came back and felt all of utter sh*te again.
In a minute, I shall be fine.
The writing continues.
But oh momma. My heart travelled somewhere this weekend …
and I don’t think it has returned yet.
