Tag Archives: Love

Every time we head back to Batu Pahat, Johor,

my family looks forward to the food.

But food takes on another dimension in BP.

It is also part of my father’s memories of his youth,

and it makes us feel closer to that part of our family.

This evening, we went for Laksa. Just 10 minutes away

from our family home.

While my mother’s side were more ‘urban’ Penang townfolks and my

maternal grandmother involved in tailoring, dad’s side has dealt with

trades ranging from small tracts of coconut plantations and oil palm,

to house rentals and animal farming.

I remember when I was little I would play with my cousins

in the coconut sheds at the back of my grandparent’s house in

Bagan (a district in BP), and running in the little trails between

its terracotta-coloured soil and the small river by the house.

In the very same area, my dad used to catch fish, crabs and try to

avoid snakes.

I love the idea that we played in the same vicinity, but during different

spans of time.

.

.

Before his generation, dad says, the family was uneducated but pretty

determined business folks.

His grandmother, who he never tires of telling me about, was the

matriarch of the family, the most thrifty

and money-savvy. She would be the one to acquire our relative family wealth

back in those days, eventually owning land and some little businesses.

However, dad says, she always looked at you funny if you took put

more rice on your plate than necessary.

.

I am somewhere between a third and fourth generation Malaysian (dad + mom).

Great grandmother had been born in China, essentially a ‘slave’, or

someone sold as a servant girl for another family.

But somehow, she managed to come here, bring up her own huge family,

and with hard work & penny pinching, set them up comfortably through present day.

My father speaks about her with hush, admiring tones.

I love hearing about my great grandmother .

Just now, eating laksa at a small stall on Jalan Peng Kai,

my dad points out the man dishing out bowl after bowl

of laksa like he was in a speed competition.

His family, like many Batu Pahat natives, sent their children

overseas on the sweat of these small trades.

This man, dad reminds me, sent his children overseas

with these bowls of laksa.

I guess I’m very much like dad – we really admire the ethos of hard work.

Pure busting your balls, sweating your heart out working because

you know no other way.

I have been born lucky, and do not need to work as my

great grandmother did, but I certainly hope to remember

this ethos, this era’s spirit, and keep it in mind throughout

my life.

I also frequently try to remind myself not to complain about work,

and to please please please stop it if I do! Susah though, everyone does it.

I am blessed to have it, and enjoy what I do.

Dad tells me how he used to come to

eat at this laksa stall about three decades ago or so.

It is pretty good laksa. Tasty, but not too cloyingly heavy & over the top.

The kind that leaves you satisfied and not nauseously guilty.

A bowl is RM3.50 (big).

Dad says this stall probably sells hundreds of bowls a day.

Looking at how the man was dishing them out,

I did not doubt this.

.

In many parts of Batu Pahat you still feel a sense of the old

town back then. The streets are still so wide, the shops

still small & buzzing. I can almost imagine my father as a young boy

buying cendol from the stall we love.

Or coming to the famous hawker centre by the Batu Pahat river

at Jln Shahbandar, asking for a bowl of fishball noodle soup

served by the same family through the generations.

I love it that every time I come back I ask my father more and more

questions, and I take more and more pictures.

I want to make sure that I keep these in the collective family memory,

and I guess I feel a certain responsibility because I am the

journalist in the family. I record so many other people’s histories

and I have yet to do my own.

I guess this is what growing older does to you.

Or perhaps I am just super nostalgic that way.

xo



This is when I met Kat’s new baby boy.

I think the pictures are self-explanatory.


Does he look like someone when she was a wee lil cutie?


I love you dear girl.

We’ll have him honking at random cab drivers, listening to heavy duty rock muzak

and smoking kretek in no time. Just kidding Kenny.

 

My thoughts are now in shades of lilac and sepia.

This one’s for the time we were in Penang,

going to some of the island’s temples and special sites.

I left my iPhone at the first temple, Wat Chaiyamangalaram

on Burmah lane, and only realised it after we had

completed our visit to the amazing Cheong Fatt Tze Mansion.

The discovery gave me a fright and sent me into panic.

In the car I was, as expected, nervous, upset and almost inconsolable,

thinking that was the end of my iPhone, which I love very, very, very,

very,

very very very,

very very very

smerry very MUCH.

The Londoner went: “I’m sure you will find it again. It was a temple,

I’m sure someone would have given it in.”

He had called the number but nobody picked up, which was a good sign, he said.

“It’s a place of worship after all, honey. I would have handed it in for sure.”

I said: “Well that’s because you’re wonderful that way.

You also have a whole lot more belief in people than I do, I think.”

.

So I drove on back to Burmah Road, the whole journey there going

I’m an idiot I’m an idiot I’m an idiot I’m an idiot‘.

We went to the main area, where the temple helpers were.

“Excuse me, did someone hand in a mobile phone just now? An iPhone?”, I asked

with my uberpitiful face on.

The woman looked at me, and gave a wry smile, saying “What’s the number

first? Call first?”

And I gave a huge smile back, knowing she had it.

OhhHHHTenKIuUUuUuuSOHmucHHHH!!!” I shrieked pretty unintelligibly

while the Londoner rang the number from his phone.

She looked down at her desk, smiled and proceeded to hand  my phone

to me.

I had left the phone on the floor as I was putting my shoes back on (F a i l.)

But someone had seen it and passed it on to the temple.

Feeling very lucky and blessed, I put some money into the

temple’s donation box and gave a prayer of ‘good karma, good karma!’ in

honour of the person who had handed in the phone.

I hope he or she gets something very good coming their way today, I told

the Londoner.

“Well, it could be just your karma, you know,” he offered, ever the sweetie.

“No, I would have deserved the loss because I am so absent minded. This good karma

belongs to this person!” I said, continuing to mutter “Good karma to you good karma

to you good karma to you” to whoever the soul was.

Whatever it was, it felt good to know that people proved me wrong that day.


At the temple opposite the main Wat.

He actually did land a coin in the ‘Good Luck’ bowl :)

At the Khoo Kongsi. This was after the Cheong Fatt Tze

Mansion, where I was awestruck and took no photos.

(No photos allowed inside anyway though, and the Londoner

has yet to upload his pictures of us with the mansion)

The kongsi was beautiful. This one in, particular, is special

because Kat’s husband, Kenny, is in the Khoo family and

used to stay with the clan.

We also went to the E&O Hotel, where Kipling used to stay.

It has such an old school ambience to it.

The buffet was EXCELLENT and well worth the price.

The view of the sea from the E&O.

Orson Welles stayed here.

Charlie Chaplin too.

And so did vava-voom Rita Hayworth.

But it was the Kipling connection which impressed

The Londoner most, since he is a big fan.

I love Penang even more each time I visit.

It is truly a pearl.

xo

Perhaps it’s all the greasy, rich food in my system over

the past 2 weeks now rearing its ugly head, making me

feel wretched.

Perhaps it is because Argentina lost last night, which

rendered me so upset I whispered “Let’s get out”

even before the full-time whistle went off. We walked

out of Ecoba without saying good bye to our friends.

Happy Birthday again dear Mikey xox

“I think your expectations were too high, honey.

At least for England, well, I knew they might let us

down,” the Londoner said.

“I know,” I replied.

.

.

This morning, I wore this top I have had for about 11 years.

It is one of my ultimate favourites, I got it in London

during my undergrad days. It lasted for so long, but

obviously it has seen better days.

I am greatly nostalgic about certain clothes, so it is

hard to let go. This one has probably travelled to over 20

countries with me. But today, I decided, I would wear

it one more time, and then say good bye.

For memories’ sake.


It had holes forming in many places, and this one

was the most prominent. I went to the airport

to send the Londoner off wearing this, with a cardigan

on as well.

It is truly time to put old things away, and look forward to

fresher, lovelier characters.

Do you say goodbye to your clothes?

.

.

There is that familiar odd feeling in my stomache.

As a long distance relationship veteran, I know

it well.

Perhaps I just know that things are different now.

Here’s to a Monday with a bang tomorrow!

xo

Just a wee lil excuse to put many pictures of yumyums here.

Some pictures of the many delightful meals I had in New York City.

Apologies in advance if you’re hungreh right now,

or are on some weird diet.

I’m on a diet too, for the first time ever (2-day failures don’t count),

but that’s for another day.

Korean fried chicken in K-Town NYC. Spicy, droolworthy

Brazilian. Lotsa meat.

Brunch at La Bonbonniere NYC. YUM

Scallops at Tribeca Grill, Robert de Niro's joint

Another brunch. Eggs benedict. Tom's, Brooklyn

Looks a bit gross, but yummmm. At the famous Kat'z Deli!

Un.be.liev.a.bly. good. ramen. IPPUDO, NYC

That’s only … 0.5% of what I ate in NYC.

So, am I now a lil Michelin (wo)man?

Well, I was away for six weeks, but to be honest I actually lost weight in

NYC. Must have been all the walking,

running,

salahbudgetkenajalanlagitothetrainstation.

And then.

I go to London for just a short time … and I think I gained it all

back. Probably the pies. DAMN YOU PIES! And all that beer & stout,

etc etc. And just being happy, I guess.

.

Which leads me to today.

This morning, at a meeting, someone said to me ‘Omg why have you lost

so much weight?’

And I was thinking ‘Exsqueeze me, you joking or what?’ … but the person

is question is really wonderful and lovely so it didn’t keluar macam tu lah.

And then I went home to pick up something for lunch.

And I was like ‘Mom, did I lose weight you think?’

Yeah girl, she said.

Then I start thinking everyone’s hallucinating.

Cause I know what the scales say, dammnit!

And then suddenly …

Mom says slowly:

You know girl, you are so much lovelier, more beautiful and glow-y

when you have more meat on your cheeks.

AWwwwwww??

Really, ma? So…you think I look better fatter? With my puffy cheeks?

Yeah, definitely. You’ve got this glow, when you have those cheeks,

you look so much happier. I love it and stare at you sometimes, wondering

how you get like that, with that glow-y skin and all.

And I didn’t know what to say, it was just such a sweet thing

to come from my mom, who is usually quite icyprincess-y in her assessment

of things and people.

I wish I could tell her. But not now.

So yeah. My momma will love me fat.

Pass me those damn pies!

:)

On a day like today
How could one
be anything but happy?
The sun on the grass
The squeeze of the hands
The surprise boat ride
under the mighty bridge

On a day like today
How could one
be anything but beaming?
The thought for friends
The pressing of sore feet
The random, delightful
chats with strangers

On a day like today
How could one
be anything but brand new?
The bittersweet embraces
The imminent goodbyes
Buttered by the whispers
that I am your girl.

I realised I accidently drafted the last post, and so it may seem a little outdated.

.

The update is: The weather is gorgeous again.

From the Hoboken waterfront, overlooking Manhattan :)

.

The update is:  I have been spending a little more time on the grassy areas

of Hoboken, because I have winded down to write more.

c'est moi. le bonheur.

.

The update is:  I am feeling this strong bond with my good friend MK, who

has been utterly wonderful. Such a kind, decent, caring human being, and he

is coming back to Malaysia. I am glad he will be close by.

Miao & MK, hanging at Union Square

.

The update is: I spent a glorious two days with a good girl friend, Khim. If

it is possible to love your friend more and more with each passing conversation,

it is definitely so for me when it comes to her. I think you form a very special

friendship with people you connect with at a later time, at a certain age, during

specific times in your life.

Chaborcinta, for reals yo

.

The update is : A man is coming to me in 4 days. He makes me feel like spring.

He makes me want to say all the things that cannot be said. Yet.

He makes me close my eyes, clench my fist on my chest and smile.

The heart expands.

hello there

Sekian update untuk kali ini.

xox

So the weather has gone bad in NYC.

It’s been drizzling, and the weather now reminds me of London.

But there is still a great deal of warmth around – my good mate Khim

is here for the week. Last night we all (her friends and my dear MK) went

out to Momofuku for dinner, we had wanted to head to Ippudo but

the wait was 2 hours and we weren’t about to wait that long in the cold!

The thing is the moment you put Khim and I in a room somehow we

end up chatting like our lives depend on it and others seem to fade somewhat

in the background. I said later to MK when we were in the car heading back:

“Her friends are so nice and friendly.” And he said to me, slightly bewildered:

“But…. you were talking to Khim the whole time!”

Er… Oooops?

But just a little summary of the week, because the day is now dreary outside

and I’m waiting for MK to rise and shine – we have a day of walking about

and drinking to do today. It’s St Patrick’s Day! A huge deal over here, so

I can imagine no one’s gonna be sulking about the drizzle.

.

.

This week I think I completed most of what the leftover things I wanted

to do or see in NY. Since this is my third time, I ticked off the remaining

‘Must Sees’ on my list, and took a deep, happy breath.

Now I can really, really walk the streets without a care in the world.

I usually walk aimlessly anyway, but before I had to look at the watch and

go “Oh darn, I have to go to here and here now before it closes or

this and there in case I can’t do it next week..”

It’s also been a week of me reuniting with some good old friends.

Met darling Ana again on Tuesday, she was one of my best buddies

in London during our undergrad days. Now she is getting married

and moving back to Serbia & Montenegro, another European wedding

to attend soon, how wonderful.

Ana & I reunited again in NYC

I met her hubby-to-be, an architect, and we got on so well at one

point I think Ana just watched two of us going on and on and on

about the house he is going to build for two of them – the inspiration,

style, materials, and so on. I visit their abode in Brooklyn next week.

On Wednesday I went walking about in a slight daze, and then ended up

at the New York Public Library .

.

It was so absolutely stunning I ended up

walking around with my mouth agape most of the time. I took NO pictures

inside because I was so awestruck – figured I would come another time for the pictures

and just truly menghayati the building this first time. I would end up

on a marble seat inside, facing this incredibly beautiful lobby and ceiling,

writing on my notepad. I think my notepad has seen more action than

my laptop these weeks – which is very welcome indeed.

Also went grocery shopping for the house and bought a new kettle for the

boys because I *ahem* pretty much destroyed theirs. How do I destroy

a kettle? Nevermind!

The wonderful Lan - my model for the day :)

On Thursday I caught up with Lan, who was my flatmate when we were doing

out masters in LSE. She’s from China but now living in Manhattan, near Columbia

U. I asked her if she’d be willing to accompany me to Ellis Island because I wanted

to visit the Immigration Museum there, and so the next day she met me at

Battery Park. There we were, at Clinton Castle, in disbelief that we were meeting

again. We proceeded to bitch about a certain Greek friend of ours who is absolutely

HOPELESS at keeping in touch, and sighed loudly about how we love her

so much despite the fact. The Immigration Museum was everything I hoped for

and more – it carried so much memory, pain and hope in its walls, floors and ceilings.

I was very touched by the whole experience and left with so much to think about.

It makes New York and America’s history all the more complex, sweeter, and rich -

this tapestry of different cultures all colliding, intertwining,

because they want to be live new lives in the land of the free.

I love these old shots

The sun was shining brightly when we stepped out of the museum. Ellis Island

gets a Must recommendation from me, I’ll say. For history buffs – no two ways

about it, you have to go.

Today is somebody’s birthday  - it was so good to speak to him on the phone :)

Ooops, I have to go soon – it’s close to lunch time.

It was quite lovely chatting with Khim last night. She reminded me

about something that she said I had told her in the past. She

was just in that stage at the time – having some butterflies inside the tummy

about a certain someone. I think women at our age are at a half-and-half

phase, it’s a little weird. We are so independent, used to a certain

lifestyle …. have been through enough pain to be wary, still enough

hope and faith to be joyous, & we want so much (and probably worry just

as much sometimes!)  We have had it with the debilitating mindgames

we played or were in when we were in our early twenties, the drama-filled

years that may have left us a bit scarred. [I'm sorry I don't mean to generalise,

perhaps it is just my own single female friends & I who have had these experiences]

And now as we find ourselves stronger than we have ever been, of course it is

scary to find yourself meandering back to anything that could mean you

slightly losing your senses again.

So inevitably when good things come, people like us (or

well, people like me anyway) tend to go “Is this for real?” …. or “Is this too good

to be true?” or… “Something’s bound to go wrong..”

Well anyway it takes friends like Khim to issue me a little gentle

reminder.

“You remember what you told me at the time? You said ‘Skip a little, Khim,

just skip a little. I think now it’s your turn to listen to that … Skip a little, Laych.”

I guess my answer to that would be….

“Well .. okay then”

:)

Love*

Because sometimes, you just have to keep on repeating yourself.

Beware : really random, rambling, pointless post coming up.

One to prove I’m alive and not dying in some stress cesspit I care about

this site. Yes, I do care. I care for it like I care for fried chicken.

But like fried chicken, there must be pacing. There must be balance.

Screw this train of baloney that is going absolutely nowhere.

.

.

These past few weeks I have come across story upon interesting story of people

around me - some I know and love, some I know of and am curious about.

More and more I realise that we are all just lost souls swimming in

a fish bowl, that everybody hurts, that happiness, more or less, is just a change

in us, something in our liberties. Yesh, that’s three songs right there,

you laiks?

.

.

Sometimes I wish we were all a little more open with each other,

a little less secretive about our experiences. Especially us women.

We have so much to learn from each other, so much lessons to

glean and take comfort from.

The mistakes we make, the lies we tell ourselves, the pain … and then, inevitably..

the healing. The blossoming. The realisation.

And then the acceptance of sadness, or of bliss.

.

Oh no, this is not one of my wewomenweKILLyou posts.

I ended that para up there with the word bliss, mind you.

.

I’m in a happy place right now, albeit just a bit tired.

But I’ll tell you. I’m 31 one now, feeling neither young nor old,

neither deliriously giddy dengan kegembiraan nor in deep despair.

But it feels like it’s taken me forever to get here. Have somehow

reached a stage where I am pleased with myself because I make my own

happiness, and nobody tweaks those controls for me.

Or rather, I don’t let them anymore. It’s very liberating.

.

Around this time five years ago, I was still getting to grips with the end

of a relationship. A little shaken and directionless, my work however came through

for me, somehow leading me to Sri Lanka, Paris, Hong Kong. My instincts also took

me to Central America. Yes I travelled a lot, but I was still pretty clueless.

Around this time two years ago, I was again reeling from the end of another

relationship and was trying to figure out what I ultimately wanted to do and where

I wanted to go.  I think the men in my life played a big part in my

happiness/unhappiness control buttons. But I can’t blame them really. I let them play.

I allowed it to happen. I’m to blame, really.

[Remind me of this diplomatic tone when I'm in my next murderous, bitter moods and I'll call you a liar and
plot your death]


I confess, I guess there’s also a part of me which liked the reeling and

self torture. The blackness, the drowning.

I think if you are never lost, then you’ll never know the sweetness

and delight of knowing you are somehow finding your way.

Fast forward to now.

….

….    …….

……       ……

I still don’t know what I’m doing

most of the time HaHAAAAA.

.

.

:)

But I feel more free, lighter.

I’m in a happy place right now, albeit just a bit tired.

There are reasons for these two things.

But I can’t say just yet.

And I would like to … but ah, old habits die hard.

I say I wish we were less secretive, but who am I kidding?

.

I promise you I’ll reveal more soon enough.

I promise you, it’ll be worth it.

I promise you, it will be as pretty as pie.

xo