Est modus in rebus

Today I looked at the clock, 8.15am and thought, I have to sleep

now.

Then I thought, that’s it.

That’s it.

I’m so booking a holiday soon, where I don’t

talk to anyone.

Don’t have any residual work to do.

Don’t have to plan anything.

Buang my phone & laptop sementara.

And just have n o t h i n g  in my head.

In all honesty,

even when I was in my great American travels,

I was thinking about work.

Even in the depths of the forest of Sarawak, I was thinking

about work.

These past 2 weeks I have nearly collapsed from work.

But I can’t lie, the money… it’s because of the money.

I don’t know how some people can go on travelling

and galavant here and there without working (and shopping!),

I swear that’s not my life.

It’s a cycle of debt-payment, working like a dog, saving

quite well, and then travel and debt-payment all over again.

I think I just do it in stupendous extremes. Stupendous.

But that’s my life I guess.

It’s probably since I blew my wonderful savings and inheritance

on my Masters that I figured, Oh what the hell. Just live it.

.

Now, these past 2 weeks (no, more actually) have seen

me developing an actual, physical sleeping disorder,

with heart palpitations and all … NICE!

Will be honest with you, I’ve shed some tears in some

mornings because I was so tired. And when I was

so tired but still couldn’t sleep.

But ok. It’ll be worth it.

Because I’d have earned enough money to pay my debts

and have more to spare.

I’d like to start dreaming again.

I haven’t dreamt for a long time, and

that’s

what

disturbs

me

most.

xo